Just a little bit of

Hey there a white square on the screen that I have to fill with some meaningless information!

How's it going? I suppose great, still being so white of infinite possibilities, huh? See, your life cannot be boring - just think about it, what if someday something really great becomes your body, some real masterpiece of human thought will paint your insides, what if you are chosen to hold the cure for all the bad, peace for all the insomniac, life for all the bored? And even if that never happens, it is still not your suffer - let those who marked your virgin body be the ones in pain, pressed all the way down by the heaviness of their grandmothers' expectations.  Let them think of your face in their nightmares, when you look at them, a hungry believer, a clean slate, a murder list with numbers only, prepared to be fatal, prepared to be something at least. But what did they do, what could they do, what could they even think of doing to you? They'll wake up screaming under your stare, what have you become, what could you become? The terrifying Anything is too much to handle for the sanity, but the little your hands allow to make out of it, the reduction of making it physical, making it yours, making it real - it is even more terrifying.

Despite (or considering) the shitstorm above, today I just feel like rambling about this and that, so hey. Let's chat, but it will be only me holding the mic, and you don't really have to be here - though I would appreciate your clapping or at least a tip, if you feel old enough to do that. 

Anyway, really, I am grateful to anyone who took their time talking to me/looking at me throughout the past month, you were nice - I wish someday I'll be able to pay you back for your politeness and sweetness and all the -ness we can derive from just pleasant people, but for now... For now I'm taking it all with me, carry it around like a baby, in and out of the rooms, popping up here and there, out of nowhere, you know? 

I've been thinking about the word I absolutely hate yet it is impossible to avoid using it not awkwardly - it's inspiration, you've heard that one? Why does it sound so pretentious to me?

There would be a Muse, for example, you know - the one that stands behind the shoulder of each artist or Artist, or sitting on their table, under the table, in the whatever pose you prefer, clothed or undressed, bold or bearded... I just wondered once what mine would look like, why shouldn't I have it--(him? her?), especially now, at our time - bless our time! - it's not her who picks me, it's me who picks her, or him, or them, whoever, well!

I think I want a human - most certainly I want a human, not even a tiny army of the Hattifatteners, or a giant snail (I still really want it so bad help), or not even a fried banana. A human is still what makes me the most awake, a worrying animal I am needs someone to be worried about, so I can complain about being tired of all the worries, yet I need someone to complain to! Not sure if my muse will allow me to do that, but let's assume it will pity me at least a little, because I need it to be gentle. Gentle in that sadistic way, with all the teasing, all the scars covered by kisses, not painful enough to kill you, but just about right to keep you half mad. Oh yes, that would be perfect, so much better than a fried banana - in fact I can fry it for them every morning. They will not like it, and I will be so mad throwing plates on the floor with all the drama and chic. They will abuse the opportunity to watch me and I would love to allow that, maybe it's even the only thing I really need. Am I describing a real person now? It's funny.

Anyway, I need to give in, it's getting colder and my thoughts will turn into nothing but a girly talk if I keep on. Here's my song of the week, and I leave this place. Will be back tomorrow. Was nice to chat with you (me). Peace!